I’m still processing my first author event which took place last month at the Sexploratorium in Denver, the joy of spending time in such a positive and happy place, the wonderful people I met.
I smile when I remember my friend Cody helping to set up my display table and making tissue paper flowers for the bag that held the raffle prize. My heart swells with gratitude when I think of him staying for the entire event and keeping me company – now that’s a great friend!
There was a significant aspect of this experience that didn’t really hit me until much later. The poster advertising the event referred to me as a queer author. This is the first time that anyone has alluded to me as queer. I’ve been turning this over in my mind and thinking about what that means to me.
I’m bisexual, but because I spent much of my life married to a man, people just assume I’m straight and this means I am automatically given the protections and privileges afforded to straight people. There is no denying that those protections impact every aspect of professional and personal life and tend to make life a lot easier.
When it comes to discrimination against queer people, I find myself feeling angry on behalf of others. When I look at it in personal terms, I’m mostly baffled. The idea that some people spend an inordinate amount of their time, energy, and even money focusing on other people’s dating habits seems bizarre to me. Life is so short, why is there such a focus on something that has no impact on you whatsoever?
If you’re going to take an interest in someone’s life, there are so many more important and intriguing things to focus on, their occupation, hobbies, travel, humor, values, etc. Who we’re attracted to is just something we’re born with, like eye color or height.
When I look back on the people I’ve dated over the years, it wasn’t their gender or sexual orientation that made them extraordinary; it was their personalities, passions, and achievements that made me proud to know them.
I’ve gradually become more open about being bi, but with the barrage of discriminatory laws that have been passed recently, people close to me have suggested that it might be safer for me to stay closeted.
That’s not an option for me. If one of us isn’t safe, then we are all at risk. We see proof of that every day. If someone is going to pick on a queer, vulnerable teenager or a queer businessperson working hard to make a living, they will have to add me into the mix and explain (in court if necessary) why they feel compelled to harm someone who isn’t harming them.
I’m Eileen Blake, queer author. I was born queer, but the title of author is something I worked hard at and earned. I’m proud of all the things that make up who I am and grateful to Fawn O’Breitzman and the Sexploratorium for giving me a warm, welcoming place to be myself.
Thanks for reading.
Eileen Blake
